just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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