drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
