Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
