You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
