Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
