so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
