Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
