New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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