can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
