you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
