I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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