Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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