Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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