His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We need a shit load of segways right now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
