You just made me feel so damn special
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
