My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize