he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
