In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
