Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
