FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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