if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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