on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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