I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
