I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
