About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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