My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
