i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
