It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im six kinds of drunk right now
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come you make the beer taste better
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize