Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
