so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
