community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
