It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
