i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me