so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
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Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left