Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?