Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think my vagina is haunted
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize