Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
