peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.