It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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