so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
