Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
