I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
