Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
