so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
