So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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