Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
