what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
