Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
