I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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