I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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