what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
