my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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