I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
