omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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