I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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