Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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