Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
