apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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