Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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