i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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