You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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