I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
