can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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