So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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