he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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