apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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