YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
