I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Pants 0. Shit 1.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
time to smoke my breakfast
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
