good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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