Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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