apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
