i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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