Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
