He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
