I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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