I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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