i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
