areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm always down for nudity.
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