Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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