come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
