No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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