You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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