Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
