"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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