how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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